I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
