i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
