Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
