thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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