I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
