allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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