Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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