And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
