A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
