My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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