from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
