bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
