Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Still dying that you shit outside
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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