on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so much tequila, so little girl.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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