Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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