Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
