i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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