My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
