I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
