If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
