i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
