just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
