Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
