I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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