i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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