we have pet lesbian snakes
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
