if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize