So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
did i walk over a car last night?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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