Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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