omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
