so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
