The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
