If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
