I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
