The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
