Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
