Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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