To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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