I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
