his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
organizing the empties. That sober.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
