I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
birth control should be required to get into college
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
