You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
