We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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