In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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