Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
