Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
