Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
