i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
