He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
