go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
