quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
