I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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