ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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