So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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