I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
