Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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