so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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