I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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