My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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