I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
