I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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