State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
