So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
