OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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