If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
