You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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