nut hugger
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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