i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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