I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
