I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Redeem this text for a blowjob
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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