He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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