grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
