I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
