he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
