At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
